REDEMPTION
by littlegeminii
Summary: His entire life he's wondered who he was, and then he found someone just as lost as he was. Wanting to find himself, he found her, and vowed to redeem himself to his family. Is it too late? Can she really save such a lost soul? KyloxOC
1. Chapter 1

[ BEFORE SNOKE'S DEATH ]

Kylo Ren, grandson of Darth Vader, now an apprentice to Supreme Leader Snoke, is continuously trying to prove himself to him, his leader. Snoke knows Kylo is too weak, too vulnerable, too _conflicted._ So, he uses that against him, makes him do things he shouldn't. Slowly, Snoke is starting to see Kylo's darkness, and how it's consuming him. This, Snoke likes. But, Kylo is at war with himself, for what he did to his father, his mother, himself. He's at constant battle with himself. Darkness, confusion, anger, despair, all boiled into one, while light, kindness and care battle the dark. Kylo just wanted a way out, but it's too late now. He's buried himself deep in a hole he didn't mean to dig. Tonight, Snoke called upon Kylo Ren, asking him to do another mission he didn't want to do. This time, it was a sabotage mission. A storm trooper had stolen weapons from their ship and has been selling them on his home planet. Kylo's mission was to hunt down the trooper, terminate him and retrieve the weapons. Kylo Ren did as he was told, as always.

[ ZAYAH ]

I grab my dirty robe off the floor, feeling my owner roll off of me and exhale in relief. He had his way with me for the fifth time this week, that's a record. I'm usually the least picked. I make my way past the slave quarters, into the shower hall - a small room lined with rusty, but functional, shower heads where every slave, man or woman, showers in public. There are no stalls. Everyone is in the nude. I don't even know how long I was in the shower, trying not to cry, trying not to look weak again. I scrubbed, scrubbed, _scrubbed_ at my skin, wanting this gross, icky feeling to leave me, but it didn't, no matter how hard I rubbed that flaky, gritty soap on my skin. At one point, the showers turned off and I grabbed a towel, drying myself off and slipping into clean clothes - a beige gown that resemble a nightgown, but thicker, and slipped on some work boots that weren't even mine, and made my way outside to eat. I found a few of my 'friends' outside. By the looks on their faces, they had been ravaged, too. I join them at a table, completing out little circle of friends and we start talking, trying to get our minds off of what just happened to us again. We should be used it by now, we've been here since we were sixteen years old. We're around the same age now. I'm the oldest; twenty four. Doesn't mean it hurts any less to go through that. Hairs on the back of my neck stand up when I feel a guard behind us. But Cami, a friend sitting right next to me, doesn't know he's behind her, and stands up abruptly, making him fumble and drop his food. He angrily turns to her.

"You little bitch!" he said to her. "You made me spill my food. Watch where you're going, you clumsy whore!"

"I - I'm sorry," she stuttered, clearly terrified. "Here, let me help y-"

"That's right, clean this shit up!" He grabs her by the collar of her shirt and pushes her onto the ground. "CLEAN. IT. UP." She pushes everything onto the tray that's on the ground and I swear I feel my blood begin to boil. She stands up and turns towards a trash can to throw it away. The guard grabs her shoulder. "Where do you think you're going?"

"To . . throw this away. It's trash."

"Eat it."

"W-what?"

"You heard me. Eat. It."

"But it's covered with sand and dirt. This floor's filthy."

"Eat it!" He raises his hand to strike at her and she flinches, dropping the tray. I get up from my seat and quickly get in front of her.

"She _said no_!" I say, and he freezes in surprise. He didn't expect me to stand up for her.

He laughs, making my fearlessness disappear in a matter of seconds. "You really think you have power here? You're nothing. You're no one. You want to know how you mean nothing? Your parents dropped you off here at the age of sixteen because they didn't want you. YOUR. OWN. PARENTS. And you have the audacity to act like you mean something? The only reason you're alive is because of what's in between your legs." He spits at my feet and turns to walk away. I got so mad, I felt myself wanting to terminate him. To choke him. To make him swallow those words, or maybe my fist, either would work just fine. And then . . . he stopped. He sounded like . . he was _choking._ And I realized my hands were clenched. I was thinking about choking him. _I_ was doing this. How? Then, I was on the back of my head with something blunt, and I was unconscious.

I awoke, chained to the bed I was laying in. I was in a dimly lit room, where an abundance number of crates and weapons were stored. This was the give-away. I was free to whoever wanted me. I was terrified. I yanked on my bed, trying hard to break the chains and -

"Who is she?" I hear behind me. I spin in my seat and look at the man who said it. I've never seen him before. Clean, black robes. Nothing expensive-looking. He didn't look native. He had jet-black hair reaching his chin, and a scar on his face.

"She's one of our slaves. Our men adore her, she has _lots to offer,_ if you're interested," said the same guard that I was arguing with only moments ago. "She's our bosses' favorite." The other man's face - the dark-haired one - had a disgusted look on his face. As if he couldn't believe that guard could've said such a thing about me. "How much is she?"

"Free for whoever wants her."

My heart sank, but I couldn't find any words in me. I couldn't speak. The man's eyes locked on mine and I didn't know what to do. The guard unchained me and I stood up quickly, shoving him aside and standing oddly close to the man. He seemed protective, dominant, asserting. He didn't look at me the way other men did, which was a relief. The guard scoffed. "Take her. We'll find other women." He shrugged his shoulders and walked away, leaving me alone with _him._

"Come with me," he said. "You won't be staying in this shit hole anymore."

I managed a quiet, "Thank you," and followed him out. He wouldn't speak again. He didn't even make eye contact with me. That same day, he'd bought a hover-car, and a small home just ten or so miles away from this city, in a different city. "Where are we going?" I asked him as we got in the two-seater craft. Behind our seats was a space big enough for more seats, but there weren't any. It was just empty. Guessing it was for transporting goods and such.

"I'm taking you far from here," he said. For once in my life, I felt relief, actual _joy._ "This place is hell, I don't know how you could've survived this shit hole." He knew that what he had said had come out nicer than he intended to, and he cleared his throat, furrowing his brows to look meaner. What was up with him?

"Is it safe? I - I don't want any of them to know where I am."

"Don't worry, they won't. I'll tell you everything once we get there."

* * *

I'd been watching this particular girl for nearly two months, ever since I received my orders from Snoke, I'd been traveling to Tatooine every couple of days, traveling back to Snoke to report everything. But every time I arrive at Tatooine, I find myself drawn to this _girl._ It kills me inside because I don't know _what it is_ about her that has me so hypnotized. Then I saw it. _Felt_ it. The Force. She used it. By the look on her face, she didn't know what the hell she'd just done. When I found out she'd been handed away to the Free-For-Taking guards, I was infuriated. Something inside me needed to know she was okay. So, I stole money, tons of it, bought a very small home in a different city, even bought a little hover-car, and stole her away. She doesn't know she's actually supposed to be sold off to the highest-paid sex worker in the galaxy, and she won't know. I could sense the fear in her the moment I walked up to her. But I can tell she'd warming up to me. I can't let her see I'm doing the same.

Here we were, at her new home. Small, like a off-white sand-igloo, sunken into the land just slightly. "Your home," I said to her. Her hazel eyes lit up as I said so. I was mesmerized by how long, curly and black her hair was. I could've sworn she was some sort of _angel._ I almost smiled. "You're kidding, right?" she asked me.

Digging into the pockets of my robes, I pull out two rusty keys attached to a key ring and toss it at her. She catches them and her eyes get wider. Without hesitation, she rushes into the house, and I follow - not running - behind her. She's nearly in tears when she enters. She's slowly walking around, her long fingers grazing each surface as she passes. Then, as if she were slapped, she looks at me, with a concerned and stern look on her face.

"Did . . you want something?" she asked me.

"What?"

"Did you _want_ something?" she repeats, grabbing at her robes. Her body language said _take me_ but her facial expressions said _please, no._ This is what she must've done in order to survive back there, to just willingly give herself up so she wouldn't be beaten, sold or killed off like the other women. I felt a sting in my chest as I noticed her gesture.

"You owe me nothing," I said. her face showed relief. "You won't be giving your body to anyone ever again. You're free."

Her face showed relief, appreciation, and something else. "There's a catch, isn't there."

"No. There is none. I don't think a woman should be living such a horrible life. Especially you." _Especially you? You idiot,_ I said to myself, _Could you be more obvious?_ "I must go," I said abruptly. "There's things I need to take care of and I've stalled long enough. This is your home. Soon, I'll come back with your hover car. I've left enough money for you to survive for six months. There's vegetation in the backyard and -"

"I'll never see you again, will I?"

Her words made me light-headed. "I can't promise anything." I moved past her to leave, but she grabbed onto my arm, stopping me. "Do you even know my name? Can I know yours?"

 _My name._

"I'm Zayah. I don't have a last name. Well, I do, but I don't remember it."

"I already knew your name."

"Oh." She slightly shook her head, wondering how I could've known her name when we never exchanged it. "What's yours? I'd like to know the name of the man that quite literally changed my life."

I hesitated. I can't tell her I'm Kylo Ren, apprentice to Supreme Leader Snoke and the grandson of Darth Vader. "My name's Ben Skywalker." She let me go and I exited the house, getting into the car. Before I shut the door to my hover car, she stood outside the front door and waved.

"I'd really like to see you again, Ben."

I nodded at her, shutting the door to my hover car and taking off to find that damned storm trooper. I was so distracted by Zayah that I lost track of time. Dammit! He's probably long gone by now. Even on my way to find the storm trooper, all I could think about was _her._


	2. Chapter 2

[ KYLO REN ]

I knew this was a bad idea. I arrived too late. The only people there were the people storm trooper, who I found out is named Alys, sold our weapons to. I'd killed them off, retrieved the guns, but was wounded. Before killing the last man off, I'd gotten the location and date of Alys's second hideout. I stayed in a nearby town, waiting a week until the next sell. Thankfully, I'd healed. But I'd barely eaten in that week. I was too focused on getting these damn weapons. That was my mistake, I should've sent up the first load of weapons to Snoke, because I was terribly unprepared for what had happened. Once again, I'd killed them, not all of them, but some, fighting for my life, and could no longer take it. Since I was shot. I had to run. There was no way I was going to get out of there alive. Limping into my hover-car, feeling the gunshots being fired at my car, I sped away and tried so hard no to pass out. Not only was I bleeding but it hurt immensely. I knew I couldn't go back to Snoke yet. If that group didn't kill me, Snoke would. He'd given me a mission, and I wasn't going to let him down.

* * *

[ ZAYAH ]

It was late, the sun had gone down and the moons were out. Everything seemed so peaceful. I felt at peace. Here, I had my own bed, one that I didn't have to share with anyone. Not with a stranger, not with my 'master', not with anyone and it felt so liberating to know I was in control. But I couldn't stop thinking about Ben. He seemed so stern, yet so incredibly kind, somewhere underneath that bad-guy persona and attitude, he was kind. Why else would he send me here? Why else would he save me? I was close to sleeping, in my new clothes that I was so eager to have. I'd bought some clothing and thrown away my old sex-worker robes. For the first time in what seemed like an eternity, I felt clean. And I had Ben to thank for that. As I was about to doze off, I heard the front door shake, the knob turn and it opened. I was terrified. I rolled off my bed, under it, grabbing a gun I'd found in my dresser drawer. He'd left it there for _me_ to protect myself. To make me feel safe. _They found me,_ I thought to myself. _Those damn guards found me and I'm going to be their whore again. I won't! I'll kill them all!_ Ben stumbled - limped - into my bedroom, tripping over my boots and falling onto his knees and groaning in pain. I rolled out from the bottom of my bed and rushed to him.

"Ben? What happened to you?" I asked, concerned as to why the hell he was bleeding so much. "Are you okay? Let me help you." I helped him up and brought him to my bed. _There goes the not-sharing-my-bed dream._ He laid down at an angle; laying completely flat on his back was excruciating to him. I rushed to get rags from somewhere in my home to help him stop the bleeding. "You need to shower."

He gave me the stink-eye. "I was fighting, my apologies if I didn't have time to spray myself with the finest mist."

"You're rude. I meant, go shower so you can get your wounds clean. Now that you mention it, you smell like old shoes and sweat." I furrowed my brows at his nasty attitude towards me. I carefully pulled back his robe, revealing a shirt made from the same soft material the robe was made out of. "Take that off, I'll start your bath." I rush into my bathroom and run a bath, throwing in some cleansing salt and liquid soap. By the time I got back in my room, Ben was about to take off his pants. I immediately flushed red and turned around so I wouldn't see. "AH, okay. . Ben. Please get completely naked in the bathroom." I heard him stop, hesitating. "I get it, I've seen male parts _plenty of times_ but that doesn't mean I want to see every attractive man naked. Please, go." He walked by me, muttering, "You think I'm attractive?" as he closed the bathroom door. He was so . . . I wanted to be angry, _annoyed_ at him, but that quickly went away as soon as I saw my bed. It was bloody. He needed me. I heard pained grunting and moans coming from the bathroom. Splashing around in the tub. I knew he was in pain. I quickly re-made the bed with clean sheets, throwing clean towels on the bed so he wouldn't stain the other sheets as well. Minutes later, he exited the bathroom, clothed in nothing but the towel wrapped around his hips. He was so handsome. He was still bleeding.

"Lay down," I say to him. I can see the pain in his face. He grunted as he laid on my bed and I brought over thread, a needle, a rag and clean water in a bowl. He bit down on a towel next to him as I stitched him up. "I know," I groaned. "I'm sorry." For a second, he met my eyes, then quickly looked away. In total, he needed sixteen stitches. "Are you tired? Hungry? I can make you something."

He shook his head. "I'll be fine. I'd like to get some rest." _His stomach growled._

"You're so stubborn. I'm going to fetch you some soup." I hurried into the kitchen, turning on the stove and re-heating the soup I'd eaten only hours prior to his arrival. When it was warm enough, I brought it to him in a bowl, and sure enough, he was asleep. For once, he didn't look so angry. He looked peaceful. I placed the bowl of soup next to him on the bedside table and his eyes shot open. He took the bowl and drank the broth first. He moaned something fierce and sighed in relief. He looked at me, nodding, and continued to eat. I smiled and nodded back at him, "You're welcome." He looked down as he ate. I went to grab a blanket for him. When I came back, he had finished his soup and laid down, taking the blanket from me.

"Wait," he said. "Where are you going to sleep?"

"On the couch."

"I could move."

"You're crazy, Ben. You're hurt. I'll be fine. It's just a couch. You rest, now." He rolled over without a word and I exited the room. Then I realized I didn't close the bedroom door. I took a step, reached for the door, and without touching it, the door shut. I was . . taken aback. I did that. I turned around, went straight to the couch and went to bed. I refused to know what the hell was going on with me.

* * *

[ KYLO REN ]

I awoke as soon as I saw sunlight. As quietly as I could, I gathered my belongings, _got dressed,_ and headed towards my hover car. I shoved things aside in the back, throwing in a small bag of food and the rest of my clothes. As I shut the door to my car, I felt the presence of someone else. _Her._ I turn around, and there she was. Her dark, curly locks messily tousled. Her face was flushed with the rush of waking up and her eyes were slightly swollen from lack of sleep.

"You're leaving so soon?" She asked me.

"I have duties to attend to."

"Do you have to go?"

I cocked my head slightly and crossed my arms. "You don't seem like you want me to leave."

She bit her lip and shook her head. "I like your company. Doesn't make me feel so . . alone."

"I believe you'll be fine. I've given you plenty of supplies and money to take care of yourself for a long time."

She sighed and my chest tightened. "This is good bye? Officially?"

I'm not sure why saying this made me feel so weak, but it did. And I hated it. "It is. But you're a strong young woman. You won't need me anymore." I turned around, opening the door to my hover car, retrieving two laser guns from the back. I handed them to her. "No one should find you, I've made sure of that. But if _anyone_ tries to come after you, you take them out. Don't let anyone lay a finger on you every again."

Her eyes lightened up. Her hands brushed against mine as she took the weapons from me and I shivered. This woman . . what was I feeling? _Why_ was I feeling?

"Thank you, Ben," She said kindly, in the most angelic voice I've ever heard. Hearing her say my name, my _true_ name, made me feel something fierce. She took a few steps towards me, to the point she was just inches from me - she stood on her toes and kissed my cheek. "Thank you for everything." For the first time ever, I was at a loss for words. No one's shown me kindness the way she has. But why? If only she knew what I was, she wouldn't do this.

"I'd like to see you again. But one can only hope, right?" She said, giving a half-hearted, upset laugh, and looked down.

"Trust me, you wouldn't want me around."

"Do _you_ want to be around?"

That question . . I wanted to answer it, but I wanted to lie, I wanted to say _no, I don't want to be around, but_ truth is, I wanted to say _of course I want to be around, you've sparked something in me I didn't knew existed and I can't explain or understand what it is but I'd like to know. I'm also terrified that when or if you find out what I am, you'll no longer be like this towards me. Who and what I am will destroy you, like the way I've destroyed my father. I can't allow myself to hurt you._ "I'd like to be," I answered. "But my job, it isn't easy or safe. I doubt I'll come back."

Understanding that, she nodded. "It was nice knowing you, Ben. I really appreciate what you've done for me. I guess - I'll see you around."

I nodded. "It was a pleasure, Zayah." I got into my hover car and felt a huge weight on my shoulders as I turned it on and drove off. I couldn't help but feel angry and disappointed at myself for leaving. But I had to. I knew that it wasn't going to end well if I stayed. But I also knew that, no matter how hard I tried, I _will_ come back.


	3. Chapter 3

[ ZAYAH ]

I've had dreams about Ben almost every night for a month. It isn't that I want to. Of course I don't want to dream of a man I hardly know, that I just met . . that bought me a home, clothes, food and literally saved my life. Also, there's something mysterious about him that I want to uncover so badly. Who is he? I want to know all about him, but I know I probably won't see him again. He made that very clear. But then again, he already said that once, and he came back a week later. But it's been over a month now, and he hasn't come back. Near the end of the second month of me being here / him being gone, I applied for a job as a waitress, and quickly got the job. I knew I didn't have to work for another six months, but I was getting lonely in my home. I had no one to talk to, no friends, no one at all. I needed human, or alien, interaction.

On the third month, I'd already acquired enough money to buy myself new bed sheets, new dress robes and two pairs of boots. One for outdoor activities and the other for night outs. I felt normal, for once. I can work, without being _made to._ I can buy my own things, I can be my own person, and that felt so liberating. And no matter what I did, I couldn't shake off the fact that this is all thanks to him and I was eternally grateful. He didn't know how much this meant to me, and I needed him to know but I didn't even know his last name. No way of contacting him. Then, I met a young man. He was a gentleman. Kind and soft and caring. I saw no red flags, so I decided to give him a chance. His name was Tylan. Two months passed. It's been five months since I acquired this new life. A month passed. Six months, now. My time with Tylan was great, but something felt off. Something didn't feel right. I hadn't let him in my bedroom yet. We hadn't even gone passed cuddling on the couch. What was wrong with me?

One night, he was walking me home from a nice dinner, when the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. He noticed, and wrapped an arm around me, asked if I was okay. I answered quickly, but I was still unsure. Turning a corner, I looked over my shoulder and saw we were being followed by two cloaked men. "Walk faster," I whispered to Tylan. "Please." I walked faster, and Tylan followed immediately without asking questions. We took two right turns and then a left, trying hard to avoid them. I pulled him through a small, yet packed, marketplace, where I was sure I'd lost them. _No sign of them._ I exhaled. "Let's go home," I said. I pulled him out of the crowd and we continued our route to my home. I was a couple yards away from my front door and -

Tylan dropped dead right beside me. He'd been shot. I screamed but it was muffled by someone throwing a sack over my head and choking me, making lose consciousness too quickly. I woke up, with the sack over my head. I managed to shake it off me and noticed I was in my home. On my bed. Hands tied to my bed frame. I was nearly naked. My chest felt heavy with anxiety and I wanted to cry. My bedroom was dimly lit by four small candles around my room. The two cloaked men entered my bedroom, one of them holding the guns Ben had given me. The other, was gripping the belt of his pants. "What should we do with her?" The man holding the guns said.

Belt Guy shrugged and said, "I'll take care of her. Then I'll meet you out front."

His friend looked taken aback by what he'd just said. "Our orders were to retrieve the guns. Not r-"

"Let me have my fun! You had yours by killing her little boyfriend. Let me have _my_ fun."

Gun Guy exhaled and walked out. I've never felt this scared since I first appeared at the slave house. I screamed, but that didn't stop him from taking my clothes off and mounting himself on top of me. I tried to fight him off but . . it was too late. I screamed and even peed myself, hoping he'd get off. But this man was vile. I thought I was safe here. Someone entered my room, I thought it was Gun Guy, but it wasn't, because whoever was in there with us had pulled this revolting man off of me and used a red light saber to literally slice him in half. The man quickly rushed to my side and I screamed, hoping he wouldn't do to me what Belt Guy had just done.

"Shh, Zayah! It's me!"

I don't know why, but I began to sob. "B-Ben?" I cried harder. He cut me free from the rope that was holding me down to my bed and I threw myself onto him, hugging him so tightly I thought I would've choked the life out of him. "Thank you!" I doubt he knew what to do, I could him awkwardly trying to figure out how to hold me.

"You're naked," he said, pulling me away from him, taking off his coat, which could've passed as a dress robe, and put it on me, making sure I was covered up. "I'm sorry I didn't get here sooner. I'm so sorry." He actually looked remorseful. He sat on my bed next to him, clutching my hands as if, if he were to let go, I'd turn into dust and blow away.

"No, it's okay. You came." I hugged him again, and he finally hugged me. "I thought I'd never see you again."

"Are _you_ okay?" He whispered, and I felt his hold on me tighten. "Honestly. Tell me."

"I'll be okay. I'm fine. I promise. Now that you're here, I'm fine."

"Come with me."

"What?"

"I have a ship. You can live there with me. You won't be hunted. It's my fault anyway. I should've thought twice before giving you those guns."

"What do you mean, Ben?"

He looked angry, at himself. "I should've known they would've put tracking devices onto those damned weapons. I'm so sorry. I've already destroyed them. If you come with me, you'll be safe. You got hurt because of me, let me fix this. Come with me, Zayah."

I didn't know what to say, but I was too afraid to stay here alone anymore. I didn't know where to go. But I knew I felt safe with him. "Okay," I answered. "I'll go with you."

* * *

[ KYLO REN ]

I helped her board all her belongings into my ship, into her own room, and made myself feel like absolute crap for a split moment. _What have I done? I've brought this onto her without even thinking twice about it. She's now going to live with me. On this ship. Snoke will find out eventually. And she'll have to know who I really am, eventually. But. . she can't! She won't look at me the same. I don't know what to do. I saved her, I can't let her go._

"You okay?" Zayah asks me, brushing her hand over my arm.

I nod. "I've put everything in your room. Organize it as you please. Make yourself at home."

She gave me one of her angelic, warm smiles again, and I could hear my heartbeat drumming in my ears. "Would you like me to cook tonight?"

"No. I mean . . you can cook for yourself. I have to tend to my duties." I was about to walk away from her but . . .

"Hey, Ben?"

"Yes?"

"What do you do for work?" I clenched my jaw so hard, I thought I was going to lock it up. "Are you a bounty hunter? I saw you with that light saber. I've only seen them in books. I heard only a certain skilled few can hold those weapons."

"Something like that. It's . . classified. Sorry, but I can't go into details."

"Will you be okay? You deal with a lot of bad people."

I couldn't help but smirk. "Trust me, I'll be fine." I turned away, but felt her grip onto my arm and turn me around, placing a warm kiss on my cheek. Leave it to her to make me feel things I know nothing about. She pulled away and I grabbed her, a little too strong. "You shouldn't have done that," I said, deafened by my heartbeat pounding in my ears.

"Why?" She looked genuinely confused. I pushed her against the wall behind her and kissed her. I didn't know I was doing, but it felt so right. She kissed back, ferociously, mimicking my moves. God, I wanted her so badly. But . . dammit, I knew I couldn't. Not now. Not today. Not after what she just went through. I pulled away and stepped back, seeing how conflicted she was, as well. Great, now I'd really fucked everything up.

* * *

 **WHAAAT? TWO CHAPTERS IN ONE DAY? CRAZY! ACTION IS COMING, I PROMISE! As a writer, I really appreciate feedback from my readers. If any of you could criticize my work for me, I'd greatly appreciate it!**

 **It inspires me to write more chapters when I get feedback from my wonderful readers! I hope you enjoyed this little chapter. Thanks for reading!**


	4. Chapter 4

[ ZAYAH ]

I woke up, thinking I was still in my home back in Tatooine, but I wasn't. I remembered I was on Ben's ship. Throwing on a coat, I made my way towards the pilot's quarter's, where every wall was a window, and I was taken aback at how beautiful space. Even though I couldn't see the sun, I knew it was morning, almost noon. I felt it. Ben hadn't come back from what ever he was doing, making me feel a little too lonely in this massive ship. I made myself breakfast, enjoying it in one of the pilot's chairs, looking at every star around me. This was breath-taking, I didn't know how Ben could get used to this view.

Days passed. Weeks passed. Now it's been two months since Ben left. Each day that passed I thought he really did leave me this time. Out here, in space, with no one but myself. I anxiously made myself breakfast, my hands shaking as I made my way to the pilot's quarters, where I've had my breakfast every day for the past two months. I kicked my legs up, accidentally hitting a button, and I froze. _Crap,_ I thought to myself. _What did I do?_ Nothing happened, at first, which relieved me. I got up and started making my way back to the kitchen, when that same button started glowing and beeping. A hologram appeared in front of me. It was a . . woman. An older woman. "General Leia speaking, who is this? Your transmission reads that you're close. You've hit your emergency beacon, are you alright?"

"Yes, I'm . . alright," I answered, my heart was racing. What do I say? What do I do?"

"Is anyone else with you on this ship?"

"No. Just me. I'm waiting on a friend."

"Just you?" She paused for a second, looked away, then looked at me. "Would it be alright if I, along with a few of my men, board your ship? You're on a First Order ship, that by reading your transmission, hasn't moved or been touched in two months."

"I don't think that's a good idea."

She paused again, clearing her throat as she said, "Who boarded you onto that ship? You aren't wearing First Order uniforms. You look like a civilian. Who are you?"

"My name is Zayah, and a friend of mine named Ben brought me on board."

She looked like she was about to faint. "Ben?" Leia clasped her hands together. "I'd like to board your ship. I mean no harm, I'm the General of the Resistance. No one but I will board your ship."

* * *

General Leia, a short, sweet woman boarded the ship I was on, looking around for _someone._ "Are you alone?"

"Yes, why?"

"You must come with me."

"What? Why?"

"It isn't safe here." She grabbed onto my sleeve and I pulled away. "Ben isn't the man you think he is."

"Ben saved my life!"

Leia let me go. "What do you mean?"

"I lived as a slave since I was sixteen, and ten months ago, Ben saved me. He'd bought me a home, food, clothes, and let me live in peace. And my temporary home is here, on this ship. Ben has done nothing bad to me. If anything, he's done the complete opposite. He's a good man."

Her face softened. "Ben, _my_ Ben, did that for you?"

" _Your_ Ben? What do you mean?"

"Ben Solo; tall, dark hair, a scar on his face, always wears black?"

"Y-Yes, that's Ben."

She shook her head. "That's my son, dear girl. I don't know where these sudden acts of kindness are coming from but they may not last long. You see, Ben hasn't been _Ben_ in years. He goes by Kylo Ren, student to Snoke, the Supreme Leader of the First Order. He's done terrible things. Please, let me help you."

"You're lying. Ben wouldn't do that."

"Where is Ben?" She asked. "What do you know about him? How long has he been gone? What does he do for work?"

I pressed my lips together and shook my head. "Ben isn't. . . he can't be."

Leia grabbed my hands, pleading, "Please don't stay here, dear girl, please let me help you. Ben is confused, he's conflicted with good and bad, he doesn't know what he's doing. He's murdered, he's killed, he's done terrible things. He even took his father's life. My boy is lost and conflicted in his own emotions and mind. Please don't let yourself be taken by his confusion." I was so conflicted, I wanted to cry. There's no way this can be happening.

"I'm not going with you," I started.

"What? Why aren't y-"

"I need to know who Ben Solo is, who he _really_ is. I'm staying, and when he comes back, I'm going to confront him. If it's true, I'll leave. If it isn't, I'm staying."

General Leia looked conflicted, but nodded. "I've snuck weapons on board, in case you need to use them on him. They're on the third departure pod. Please, be careful."

* * *

[ KYLO REN ]

I murdered Snoke. My uncle, Luke Skywalker, was also dead, but not by my hand. It's been months since I've seen her again, Zayah, because I've been took focused on taking down the Resistance. But something in me yearned to see her again. On the other hand, I knew she was a distraction, that's why I didn't see her again. But I wanted to, so badly. It wasn't until I received notice that one of the First Order's ships had sent out an emergency beacon. And from the fact that none, but one, of my ships were out in space yet, I knew exactly who had sent off the emergency beacon. Zayah's ship. The one I hid her in. "I'll fly out to retrieve the ship," I said to the pilots. I bit my cheek and knew something had happened, something that made me feel like an x-wing had landed right on my shoulders. As much as I didn't want to, I also did want to, I was so conflicted. But I needed to know, if she was okay.

Arriving to the ship just three hours later, I exhaled in relief as I saw her, petite and beautiful and relaxed, sitting in one of the piloting seats. "You're alright," I started. "I thought something had happened to you."

"Why didn't you come back sooner?" Zayah asked me, standing up and crossing her arms over her chest.

"I told you, I would be gone for a long time because of my job. It isn't easy."

Her faced flushed as she said, "What's your name?"

"I told you, my name's -"

"Are you Kylo Ren?" And I said nothing. I clenched my jaw. "General Leia, she's your mother, correct?" Again, I said nothing. "You're part of the First Order? You're one of the bad guys? Why? I don't understand. If you're so bad as she claims you are, why would risk so much to help me? What am I to you? I'm so confused!"

"My chosen name is Kylo Ren, my birth name is Ben Solo. And yes, I'm part of the First Order. But that doesn't change anything. It doesn't change that I care for you. You think that if you were just a piece of meat for me to ravage I would've done so already? You're not, Zayah. But I'm also not a fucking hero! I've done terrible things, things that I wanted to shelter you from. I knew that one day you'd come to find out but not this fast."

"This fast? I haven't even been around you for a month! You only come and go when it's convenient for you, Ben. I thought you were, I don't know, _good_?"

I choked as I said, "But I'm good to you and for you."

"I'm going with your mother," Zayah blurted. I felt infuriated. "I can't stay here. I need to know I'm safe, and I don't know if I am, not here, anyways."

"Zayah . . believe me."

"Ben!" She exclaimed, and I froze. "You _killed_ your own _father._ Do you not comprehend how insane that is? You know what my dad did? He convinced my mother to get rid of me because I was _of age for a suitor_ but too poor for any man to want me. And you _kill_ yours?"

"I DON'T KNOW WHO I AM," I shouted. "You think I _liked_ killing him? NO. I DON'T KNOW WHY I DID IT, DAMMIT. I DON'T TO BE LIKE THIS."

"Then CHANGE!" She shouted back. Her voice softened as she said the following, "No one is making you be evil."

I walked closer to her, and she took a step back, afraid of me. She was . . afraid. "I won't hurt you." Somehow, she trusted that. I placed my hands on her and Forced my memories into her mind. She now, saw everything. _My frail emotions as a child, feeling both anger and kindness since a young age. To the time I woke up to green light; my uncle, Luke Skywalker, tried to murder me in my sleep because he thought I would be like my grandfather, to me killing my father and crying for days afterwards, to the moment I saw her. For so long, anger resided in me and emotions hid in me that I couldn't explain or feel. But the moment I saw her, I knew there was good in me, and her kindness is what sparked it in me. I wanted to be good, but I didn't know how to satisfy the bad._

When I let go, I noticed she'd been crying. "Your life's been a downward spiral of evil because you think the people you love hate you. Ben, Kylo, _whoever_ you are, you've been blinded by hatred and anger that you couldn't see you're incredibly, undoubtedly wrong. There's always time to go back, and you know that." I couldn't meet her eyes. "You're afraid that you won't be accepted after everything you've done, aren't you?"

I wanted to shut her out. But, dammit! I've ruined everything again. It was too late. "You want to know why I let you in my mind?"

She crossed her arms. "Why is that?"

"To show you, you can trust me. I wouldn't have let you anywhere near me if I didn't care. You're safe with me."

"Kylo . ."

I felt hurt by the way she called me by the name Snoke gave me. "No, call me Ben. I'm serious. Let me show you I'm serious. I want to show you I'm not like that."

"Will you stop?"

"Stop?"

"Will you stop leading the First Order? Will you leave your Dark side behind?"

I thought about it. Snoke was dead. Luke, the person that made me into who I am today, is dead, and my sole purpose was to take down the Resistance. But what happens after that? What do I do? "I can try."

"I'll give you a month. In a month, you'll show me you aren't the Kylo Ren that Snoke brought up, and at the end of the month, you'll choose, First Order or the people that care about you."

She fiddled with her thumbs as she looked up at me and said, "Am I safe here?"

"Yes," I nodded quickly, nearly breaking my own neck. "The only person that knows the location of this ship is me. Apparently my mother, too."

"Would you like to see her?"

I blinked, once again feeling turmoil inside me. "Um, I'm not sure."

"She wants to see her son again. She wants to be a family again."

"After what I did to her and my father, I doubt that's true."

Footsteps paced behind me, and a lump settled in my throat. Zayah stepped forward, and there she was; my mother. I'd forgotten how long it's been since I've actually seen her, without trying to harm her. "Hi, Ben," she said to me. "My boy. ."


	5. Chapter 5

[ ZAYAH ]

" _What_ is she doing here?" Ben exclaimed, looking confused as he looked from me to his mother, and back to me. "Get her out!" General Leia didn't look surprised at her son's words. "Zayah, please get her out. GET OUT!" He was pacing behind me, refusing to take his eyes off his mother.

"Ben!" I said, gripping onto his arms, forcing him to stop moving. "Calm down. Look at your mother."

Leia extended a hand, and I felt _something_ surging between her and Ben. "I forgive you." She stepped forward but poor Ben . . he didn't believe it. He stepped back and shook his head.

"You lie! How can you say that after everything I've done? How do I know you're not lying so you can take me hostage?"

"Because you're my son. And, boy, if I wanted to take you hostage, I would. Skywalker blood runs deep in my veins as it does in you, I'm just as strong, if not stronger, than you. But I haven't. All I've wanted was for you to find your way." She stepped closer, and he didn't move. He looked like he was choking. "Zayah told me what you did for her, practically a stranger. I know my Ben isn't gone, he's just lost. Come to me, Ben. Let's go home."

"I don't have a home."

"Home is where family is. And by the looks of it, I'm the only blood relative you have left."

Ben looked at me. "You did this?"

"She asked if she could stay so she could see you."

"I - can't. I can't do this." He walked past us, wandering away to God knows where, and Leia and I looked at each other.

"Should we go after him?" I asked.

Leia shook her head. "He'll come when he's ready." I accompanied Leia to the departing station where no pods were missing, where Ben wasn't, which is good. It means he hadn't left, nor was he planning to at the moment. As I helped Leia enter a pod, troopers showed up from behind pillars, weapon racks, anything they could hide behind. "General Leia," a storm trooper started. "You're under arrest for trespassing a First Order ship."

"Get in the pod," Leia whispered to me.

"What? No. I'm not leaving you or Ben."

"Child, get _in._ " She may have been a short, stocky woman but damn, was she strong. She pushed me aback and I fell butt-first into a pod. It's glass, bullet-proof doors closer and I pounded on them. I saw Leia raise a hand, and half of the storm troopers rose in the air, choking them, and with the other hand, she made a Force field, blocking all shots from hurting her. But . . Leia wasn't strong enough to take down so many troopers. Then, a red light saber flew in the air like a boomerang, slicing troopers in half. Ben was now in front of his mother, blocking her from harm. Through the glass, I watched as love and kindness won Ben over and he protected his mother. The very last trooper fell, and Leia gingerly hugged Ben from behind, and he froze. He turned around, and with one hand, he waved over the glass doors and opened them for me. Then, he hugged his mother. The Force was strong between them.

* * *

[ ZAYAH ]

Ben had told Leia and I that now he was being hunted for rebelling against the First Order and there will be FO bounty hunter after him. That Leia and I aren't safe around him. "If you think I'm leaving you, you're crazy," Leia said to Ben. "I finally have you back. I can hide you somewhere. No one will find you."

"Mother, no. I can't risk your lives," Ben said, then looked at me. "Zayah, you'll go with my mother, and I'll take one of the escape pods and randomize the location. Escape pods can't be tracked if you cut the wires right."

"Then cut the wires and I'll give you the coordinates to a safe planet. You and Zayah can live there. I'll buy a home under a different name, I'll set everything up. You _cannot_ take this opportunity away from me, Ben!"

"Opportunity?" Ben asked.

"Yes. I've got you back, after so many years, and you're all I have left. _Let me help you, Ben._ Do you think I care if the hunter comes after me? No. I'm old, son. My job as a mother is to protect you. Let me do this for you. You know I can."

I held Ben's arm and he looked at me. "This is ultimately his choice. And, Ben, I'm with your mother on this. You deserve peace, and your mother can give that to you."

He hesitantly held out his hand, grabbing his mother's and nodding at her. "I'll do it."

As Leia explained everything to us, she gestured towards the pods, and all three of us entered one after Ben cut the wires. Leia manually drove the pod to her own ship, where we docked and mounted a different pod, leaving the First Order's pod drifting in space. No ship, no coordinates, no evidence. While on the ship, I noticed Ben pacing closer to me, our hand grazing against each other, but he didn't care. It's as if he wanted to do that, as a way to comfort him. Mostly everyone on board looked at Ben as if he was scum, which made Ben furious, anxious and nervous. I could feel it radiating off of him. Exiting the ship in an escape _ship_ \- bigger than an escape pod but significantly smaller than an actual ship - Leia had brought along bags of money, food, clothing, guns, two light sabers, extra shoes, and . . a book, written in a language I couldn't read, but by the looks on Ben's face, he could.

"When we land," Leia started. "The both of you will stay here. I'll find a house, buy it, and I'll come back and get the both of you. Before I get back, I need you two to change clothes, understand? We can't have anyone recognizing you. Ben, your hair is long enough to braid, right? Zayah, could you braid his bangs back? And when we exit, flip your hoods up."

Ben didn't leave the back of the ship, and at one point, I joined him. He was nervously tapping his foot and fidgeting with his thumbs. "Are you okay?" I asked him, sitting beside him.

"I screwed up."

"What do you mean?"

"I shouldn't have brought any of you along. I'll only end up causing more damage than repair and I can't have that. I can't do that anymore. I'm going to tell my mother to turn around. You two can't be around me."

"Stop it, Ben! Your mother is giving you a chance at happiness, don't you want that? It doesn't even have to be with me, I'm not making you be with me! You can live by yourself and be in peaceful solitude, it doesn't matter! As long as you're and happy."

"You think I don't want to live with you?"

I shrugged. "Why would you? We hardly know each other."

He scoffed, almost laughed. "I saved your life, gave you a home, saved you _again,_ and you think I did all of that because I _felt like_ it? You're the reason I'm in this position. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing."

"Then, stop pushing people away."

"I haven't pushed anyone away!"

I rolled my eyes. "When you let me in your head, I saw everything. _Everything._ Don't play dumb. I know you push people away because you don't want to hurt them because of who you became. You make it seem like you don't care but you do. It's time to stop pretending." He seemed on-edge, confused again.

"How about you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Will you hate me, too?"

Sighing, I reached and grabbed his hand. He was shaking. "I could never hate you."


	6. Chapter 6

[ ZAYAH ]

General Leia had bought a four bedroom home, much too large for just Ben and I, but we didn't complain. It was in the middle of a shy neighborhood, where people minded their own business, and hardly anyone spoke to one another. Perfect. We entered our new home at night, where no one could see two hooded figures - Ben and I - walk into our home with Leia. She said our goodbyes and gave us wads of money, saying, "This should last you a couple months. Be safe," as she gave us the money. She hugged me first, whispering, "Take care of him for me, please," and then hugging her son. She had one last look at Ben before she left, making a point to leave quickly so know one would see her. Ben immediately grew sour as his mother left. There it was again, that look of loneliness. He missed having his mother around; his family.

That night, we slept in different rooms, and by the morning, Ben was sleeping on the couch. Claimed he wasn't used to sleeping on such a big bed, and sleeping somewhere small made him comfortable. _Because he feels alone in such a big mattress,_ I thought to myself. By the next night, he had brought his blanket and pillow to the living room. Was he really trying to make the couch his permanent bed? Four nights pass, and he's still sleeping on the couch. A week on that thing has made his back and neck hurt. He had difficulty straightening himself out in the morning. On the ninth night, it started raining heavily. Then, a thunder storm rolled in and I was woken up by a loud _crackle_ of thunder. _3:27am_ read my clock, and I got out of bed, throwing on a fur robe as I headed out to the kitchen. I opened the fridge and looked to my right, immediately seeing Ben's full head of black hair, resting on the arm rest of the couch, and he was fidgeting with his thumbs. I grabbed an extra glass of water and made my way to him.

"Hey," I whispered, careful not to startle him. I knelt down and gestured the glass to him. His dark eyes landed on me and his face seemed to soften. "I could tell you were awake. You okay?"

He nodded, drinking all the water from the glass in a couple quick gulps. "Can't sleep. It's cold and loud."

"That's because the living room doesn't have a heating system and you're just inches away from a window _that's open._ " I immediately shut the window. "You should go to bed. Our rooms are warm and _much_ quieter."

"I don't like sleeping in there. Too big. Too . . _quiet._ "

"You . . " I nearly choked as I said this. "Want to sleep with me?" His eyes darted back to me quickly, raising a brow. "No! Not like that. Geez. I meant, would you like to sleep in my room? I suspect you don't like sleeping in that room because it gets lonely. And I understand."

"I wouldn't want to do that to you."

"Do what to me?"

"Force myself into your bed."

"How are you...?" I rolled my eyes and stood up, extending a hand to Ben. "Are you coming or not?" He hesitantly grabbed my hand, stood up, and I guided him to my bedroom, where he awkwardly stood in front of my bed while I got under the covers. I could barely see his face because it was so dark, but I could tell he was blushing. "Are you okay?"

He cleared his throat and deepened his voice. "Yes, I'm fine. It's just. . I've never shared a bed with a . . woman." He got under the covers and it just hit me.

"Wait," I said. "Are you a virgin?" He didn't meet my eyes. "I'm not shaming you for that! I swear. It's just . . odd. You're so charming and handsome, it's a surprise, that's all."

"Well, when you're focused on destroying the galaxy, sex is the last thing on my mind." I laughed, which led him to laughing. That's the first time I've heard him actually laugh, or seen him smile. He got comfortable in bed and closed his eyes, not long after, he started snoring, and I felt relieved he was comfortable like this around me. Finally, I think I was starting to crack that hard shell Ben's in.

* * *

[ KYLO REN ]

That night was the best sleep I've gotten in . . I don't remember how long. I only woke up once, and that was because it was too quiet. But I turned on my side and saw Zayah, sleeping on her side facing me, her curly hair now frizzy and messy from sleep. She slept quietly. If it wasn't for the two moons, I wouldn't have been able to see her face. I went back to sleep, dozing off to the sound of her breathing. It wasn't long till I woke up again, this time to actual sunlight. Zayah wasn't next to me, which startled me. Throwing on loose-fitting pants and a shirt, I left the bedroom to see where she'd gone. She was no where in the house. I started to panic. "ZAYAH?" I exclaimed, only to see her outside through a window. She was picking fruit from a fruit tree a couple yards away from our house. It could've been in another person's property. By the look of her basket, she'd already picked a few. I also saw a man and a woman, walking towards her. I put on boots and a cloak and hurried outside, also trying to make it seem like a coincidence that I was coming for her, too.

Zayah's eyes met me before she met the neighbor's. Her face lit up and I couldn't help but smile back. She heard footsteps behind her and she turned around, greeting our neighbors with a warm smile. "Good morning!" the woman said. "I'm Nevora and this is my husband, Tehp. I couldn't help but notice you're picking fruit."

"Is this your tree?" Zayah asked.

"Yes, but we're not here to cause any trouble. You can pick as much as you want, just don't overdo it, please. Our family uses this tree to make an assortment of dishes for the holidays."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I won't pick any more than these," Zayah gestured to her basket. "I didn't mean to trouble you."

The woman swatted her hand and giggled, kindly touching Zayah's clasped-together hands. "You're fine, darling. No trouble at all. I've also noticed you two are new. May I ask your names? Maybe you two would like to come over for dinner sometime?"

Zayah opened her mouth to speak but I started before she could. "I'm Ben and this is my wife, Amidala, " I said. Zayah looked at me when I said _wife._ "And we'd love to. But we recently moved and we'd like to get used to our new home before we intrude yours."

"Nice to meet you, Ben," Tehp started, extending his hand. I shook it, playing along with this nice-neighbor persona. "My wife and I would love to get to know you two. Maybe we could cook up some of those dishes Nevora talked about. You'd love it! Nevora is a _fantastic_ chef."

Nevora nudged her husband and smiled. "Enough, Tehp. Well, it was nice meeting the both of you. I'm guessing we'll see you around?" Zayah nodded and Nevora hugged her, smiling before she turned around and both Nevora and Tehp left. Zayah turned to me, cheeks flushed yet she looked confused. "Wife?" she whispered.

"I had to think fast," I said.

"Amidala? Who's that?"

Shrugging, I said, "That was my grandmother's maiden name. It was the fastest thing I could come up with."

"I like the sound of that," Zayah said, and walked back in the house. _I do, too,_ I thought to myself. I shook my head. _Idiot, stop!_ I followed behind her and entered our home, realizing she was heading to the bathroom to shower. She stopped in the middle of the hall, the space between the bathroom and her bedroom. "It didn't feel weird saying that?" She asked me. She saw my confused face and said, "Saying that I'm your wife?"

"Not really," I answered, taking off the cloak and boots that was too heavy and hot to be worn inside. "Did it for you?" She flushed again, shaking her head. "Hey, Zayah?" Her eyes lit up and she focused on me. That was the first time I'd said her name aloud. "Thank you."

"For what?" She looked genuinely confused, she didn't know what I was talking about.

"For bringing me here. I'd probably be dead."

Zayah shook her head. "I'm sure you would've kicked someone's ass and lived. Look at you, you're a fighting machine." She cleared her throat. "In a good way."

Chuckling, I shrugged. "I'm serious." I realized I had walked near her, and she was so close to me. She was clutching her clean clothes to her chest. "Are you afraid of me?" I grabbed her arm, carefully, not knowing why she was acting like this.

She shook her head. "I've never been afraid of you." _She's making it harder to not want her._ "Why do you ask?" And at that moment, I had nothing to say. Getting lost in her eyes was the only thing I could do. As nervous and rattled as I was, I leaned down and kissed her, feeling her body tense as I did, and she slowly began to loosen up. Her grip on her clothes softened until she let them go and they fell to the ground. She gripped onto my shirt, tugging at it, wanting it off. I felt her hands running up to my head and . . she was in it. She was in my head, in my thoughts. But I was in hers. I saw so much. I saw 16-year-old Zayah, her chest-length hair braided into one chunky braid, in the back of her parents ship, then dropped off at the slave market in her town, and her parents took off. I felt her fear. I felt her fear when she was first ravaged her. She pulled away and looked at me as if I'd done that.

"What was that?" She asked. "Why'd go in my head?"

"I didn't. It was _you,_ you used the Force," I answered. Her face turned red and her eyes got watery. "Zayah, that doesn't phase me. What happened back then isn't something to be happy about but it's in the past. You're safe. I'm not going to ravage you."

"I know," she collected her clothes from the ground. "Doesn't mean it still doesn't hurt to think about. Now you know what I went through. Not really what I wanted you to know. . every detail."

"You know I don't care. I don't see you like that."

She nodded, pressing her lips on mine for longer than I thought, and hurrying to the bathroom. I could've sworn I heard her crying in the shower. The emotional trauma she's endured for so many years infuriates me. And for her to still be such a bright person confuses me. She gives me hope that I can be good again. She's the reason I want to be good. For her.


End file.
